The Forbidden Love Trope: is it all empty drama? (Valentine’s Day Romance Collab with R.M. Archer)

Forbidden love … the Romeo & Juliet of the romance tropes. It’s not exactly the most beloved trope there ever was! But in truth, forbidden love can add an interesting aspect to your romance story … if done correctly.

However, because this trope is slightly overused (yes, I’ll say it!) and has gone out of fashion due to societal shifts (yes, I’ll say it again!), it does take some skill to bring anything new or interesting to this ancient (I mean that in a good way …) trope!

Hello, I’m Kellyn Roth, and I’m the author of this blog. 😉 Today, I’m here to talk about a trope for R.M. Archer’s Valentine’s Day romance collaboration. I did this last year and talked about second-chance romance, so why not talk about the other trope behind my debut novel, The Dressmaker’s Secret, this year: forbidden love!

First, here are links to the other posts in the collab:

• • Mon, February 10 – Marriage of convenience – L.E. Morgan
  • Tue, February 11 – Best friends-to-lovers – R.M. Archer
  • Wed, February 12 – Childhood sweethearts – M.C. Kennedy
  • Thu, February 13 – Opposites attract – Grace Johnson
  • Fri, February 14 – Fake dating – Nicki Chapelway

 

An Introduction to Forbidden Love

Romeo & Juliet is the layperson’s introduction to forbidden love, but it’s found in so many novels, plays, movies, even poems and songs that it is probably one of the most popular or common tropes there is simply by sheer longevity.

Shakespeare introduced the common man to many romance tropes, honestly – enemies to lovers/second chance romance (Much Ado About Nothing), love at first sight (… pretty much always), miscommunication (… yeah, all of them), third act breakup (…), rags to riches (several, but notably Twelfth Night), mistaken identity (several, see Comedy of Errors), and so on.

The thing is, though, that of all of these, Romeo & Juliet is probably the most realistic one.

*ducks and hides*

Okay, seriously. In this era, and for many hundreds of years before and after, there was probably a decent amount of forbidden love whenever two young things managed to spend any amount of time together because:

1. A lot more marriages were arranged.
2. Even if marriages weren’t arranged, marriage was more often entered into for practical reasons. (Not everyone you meet is going to be the MOST practical person to marry.)

Ignoring all the themes and subplots and context surrounding Romeo & Juliet, and there is a lot more than “two teens do dumb stuff,” the forbidden love aspect is not at all separated from reality.

The thing is, this trope is not just used in Romeo & Juliet nor was it the first story to use this trope. In this era, and almost since the dawn of humanity, this has been a common way of telling a love story.

Because, after all, what is more tragic than this simple historic fact: sometimes people would love and admire someone else far more than the person you actually have to marry. Storytellers have always, always liked to both warn overbearing parents from taking too heavy a hand with their poor children and milk the drama, rather the story ends improbably happily or typically horribly.

Yet this is a trope that is often associated with immaturity or melodrama. So I find myself asking these two questions:

1. Is there a reason beyond Romeo & Juliet that we associate this trope with immaturity?
2. And does it have a place in our modern day world?

Examples of the Forbidden Love Trope

Romeo & Juliet is of course the classic story we think of, and variations of it have been used and reused throughout history. It’s a classic story that’s been retold in many ways, including but not limited to West Side Story and that one Lion King sequel. It’s a classic story!

Other examples of forbidden love in fiction include Persuasion by Jane Austen, though technically every one of Jane Austen’s novels has some degree of forbidden love, from Pride & Prejudice to Northanger Abbey.

Almost like Jane Austen lived in and understood the era she wrote about. Funny how things work like that.

However, again, due to the historical context mentioned earlier, there are hundreds of examples of forbidden love in classic novels. Stories like Wuthering Heights or even Jane Eyre use elements of this trope. It’s a common backstory for the sad characters (old maids in particular seem to have a lot of forbidden love going on in classic novels!) and a common tale for a side character.

In the modern world, we all thing of Titanic (good job holding on, Rose). The trope has also been used effectively in a lot of workplace comedies as employee-relations rules can sometimes give us a decent forbidden love subplot. Parks & Rec and The Office both come to mind.

In my own writing, I’ve included this trope in The Dressmaker’s Secret (backstory of a main character), Like a Ship on the Sea (primary romance), and my upcoming (2026) novel, Like Lightning in a Bottle. Every time, I’ve done it a little differently!

Other examples I haven’t read or watched but know of vaguely:

• Five Feet Apart
• The Night Circus
• Eleanor & Park
• Dirty Dancing (or maybe I have watched this one, but I don’t actively remember it … seems like the kind of movie I would have watched)
• The Notebook
• Twilight

Basically … you can find thousands of them. Just look!

The Immaturity Association

Whenever something is popular, it becomes cheapened to some readers.

Whenever something is popular, it is used enough that someone who has no idea how to write a book or script uses it.

Whenever something is popular, you must take time to sift through some bad on the way to the good.

But something being popular does not mean it is inherently bad.

Bad interpretations of Romeo & Juliet’s tropes – but also other books and films over the hundreds and hundreds of years – have cheapened this trope that can have so much value into something that is just, well, teenage melodrama.

By the time we hit our twenties, we may have sympathy for teenage melodrama, but most of us are ready to have our hormones settle down a little. Unless we have a certain nostalgia for it, we’re less invested in whether or not Bella gets to sleep with a hot vampire dude or a hot werewolf dude and more invested in stories that feel a little less … uh …

Uh …

I don’t have words. I was too young for Twilight, y’all.

But here’s a secret: I have loved West Side Story (retelling of Romeo & Juliet set in New York in the 20th century and featuring an honest look at the racism of the era) since I was a tiny little child, and I honestly believe it still holds up today.

I just now am an adult who recognizes that the real tragic love story is Anita and Bernardo. (BERNARDO!!!!!!!! *weeps*)

Yeah, today, the forbidden love in West Side Story, though understandable and horribly tragic, is just a little too rushed to be relatable or interesting. Also, now that I’m an adult, Tony is nothing but a pretty face. I want a real man. (Bernardo. I want Bernardo.) Instead, the brilliant themes, charming side characters, epic songs and performances, and perfect scoring make this musical a perfect classic.

But even in a great show like this, again, the forbidden love aspect? It’s just … it’s Romeo & Juliet. And you Shakespeare nerds can come after me with all your “context” and “the actual meaning of the play” and “it’s a moral about …” but you can’t make me believe that watching any adaptation of Romeo & Juliet is entertaining, interesting, or enlightening because of the title characters.

So how do you make this trope bearable? I argue you start by answering a question:

Why is the romance more important than duty … or common sense … or staying alive?

In Jane Austen’s novels, it isn’t. Though sometimes sacrifices are made for love (Edward in Sense & Sensibility, Henry in Northanger Abbey), at the end of the day, the couple needs to eat. I mean, Bingley couldn’t even go against his best friend to marry Jane. Sacrifice is not the theme of Austen’s works; it’s finding a way around the obstacles that still makes sense and doesn’t lead to situations like that of Fanny’s parents in Mansfield Park, which is subtly frowned upon, though not more so than the cruelty of the Bertram family.

Actually, in some ways, that’s a big part of the trope historically speaking. Choosing love over duty or common sense or staying alive meant that, well, you wouldn’t stay alive. You’d be left a crazed waif wondering the Yorkshire moors, possibly jumping into graves, et cetera.

I feel like we’ve moved away from a good thing.

But the truth is, it doesn’t have to be that way. I mean, if all else fails, be Jane Austen. But even without perfectly emulating the best romance writer ever, there are a lot of ways that forbidden love can add to a book, especially if we’re willing to go the extra mile and develop a great story!

With attitudes toward marriage and romance having changed over the past two hundred years or so, is the forbidden love trope washed out? I argue it’s not. There are a lot of ways to make forbidden love work in your stories! You just have to take time to make it actually good.

I’ll share some of my best tips at the end, but first I wanted to talk about some tropes and do (or do not) go well with forbidden love.

Tropes That Complement or Deepen Forbidden Love

Second Chance Romance

As featured in Persuasion, second chance romance is one of those tropes that complements forbidden love very well. Having forbidden love as a past trope, and having it not have gone well, can mean that second chance romance gives the trope a new life and allows the main characters to have, well, a second chance at love!

Friends to Lovers

Because friends to lovers gives the main characters a history, it can add a lot to the forbidden love trope. It removes the pesky problem in many Romeo & Juliet stories – we’re all feeling a little too old for the way romance is typically handled in fairytales; we want something deeper.

Office Romance (or any similar environment)

Again, maybe this is just because I’ve seen it featured in sitcoms so often, but I feel like this trope makes forbidden love more accessible and less dramatic. It gives readers or watchers an easy reason why the main characters can’t get together but doesn’t feel as heavy as “my family likes to stab your family.”

Enemies to Lovers

… okay, hear me out.

I know forbidden love is based on, well, love, but falling in love with your enemy can give forbidden love a unique twist!

It doesn’t always work, though, because you have to actually develop a romance and not just a wish fulfillment “they were sword-fighting and then they KISSED” thing.

Arguably, Elizabeth and Darcy fit this trope.

Chosen One

If you’re writing a fantasy, and your Chosen One has responsibilities that keep him or her for engaging in a romance, forbidden love makes sense. Just make sure your hero or heroine doesn’t literally give up the kingdom for their love interest. That’s not a good look. You’re gonna want to take an Austen approach to this – no sacrifice should actually endanger anyone.

Tropes That Can Complement or Cheapen Forbidden Love

Friends to Lovers

I know, I know, I’m listing it again. But much as friends to lovers can work with forbidden love, I’ve also seen it done badly.

You don’t want you reader asking, “Why was she allowed to be friends with a stable boy but not marry him?” or whatever the case may be.

Secret friends to lovers or a unique situation can work in your favor, but you don’t want to stretch believability too far.

Bad Boy/Playboy/Rake/Whatever

Lydia Bennet, Marianne Dashwood, Georgiana Darcy, Eliza Williams, Isabella Thorpe, Maria Bertram.

That’s all.

Best Friend’s Brother/Sister/Third Cousin Twice Removed

I just … I’m sorry. Why don’t you want your best friend to be your brother/sister, too??

Alternately, why are you such a hypocrite if he/she (usually he …) is good enough to be your friend but not good enough for your sibling?

Love at First Sight

I just … IT DOESN’T WORK.

IT DOESN’T WORK, OKAY??!!

All right, I have known people who were convinced this is a thing, but barring a literal miracle, I don’t think it is.

Age Gap

Be careful with this one if the reason for the forbidden love is the age gap. That gives all the wrong vibes, even if the age gap is insignificant.

Boss-Employee (or other power imbalance)

Same as Age Gap. It’s just kind of icky if everyone is advising against a relationship and the main characters are soooo sure it’s a good idea.

That said, it can work if there’s no real power imbalance, it’s done well, etc. I mean, again, sit coms can sometimes make it work.

My Top Tips for Writing the Forbidden Love Trope

Give your characters and their relationship time to develop

Don’t rush it! The more rushed your romance is, and the less screen time your characters have together, the more readers are going to roll their eyes at the insistence on the longing and angst of forbidden love. If you create well-rounded characters who have legitimate chemistry and actually care about each other for who they are, you’ll bypass a lot of the complaints readers will have about this trope.

Use drama sparingly, as needed

The ceaseless teenage melodrama is another reason readers will shy away from forbidden love as adults. The truth is, we don’t need pages of pining and moping to get the point. In fact, that’s not very healthy! Instead, use drama like a seasoning. (I know y’all use too much seasoning, but you shouldn’t.) It’s not the main course, but it can add a lot IF it’s not overdone!

Make your world & the actions your characters take in that world make sense

Whatever external force that is keeping your characters apart needs to make sense, and the choice should not be immediately obviously as to whether it would be better for these characters to risk it all or not.

Part of the reason we love Jane Austen’s novels is not because every female character throws caution to the wind and runs off with any George Wickham or Mr. Willoughby who makes puppy eyes at them (oh wait …). Forbidden love needs to make sense in the context of your world … and the decisions your character makes need to be logical to the reader unless you’re writing a drama where everyone dies in the end. (Your call, man, but that’s not really a romance.)

Specific Tips for Christian Romance

Because you know I had to talk about it, right? 😉

Here are some specific things to keep in mind when writing Christian romance with the forbidden love trope:

“Love never fails” … but love is not love if it requires the lover or the loved to do something immoral.

Betrayal, infidelity, lies, sexual sin, etc., don’t become okay because of love. Your characters can (and should!) sin because they’re human. However, you can’t just let it slide in Christian romance. It needs to be addressed, and it certainly can’t be glorified. If you truly love someone, you will not ask them to sin for you or sin for them.

Basically:

Tristan and Iseult

I’m so tired of the two of you.

No, I don’t have anything else to say.

Respect toward parents and authority figures?

… yes. Yes, to a degree, especially as minors, this is a consideration. Too often, this kind of behavior is brushed under the rug even in Christian stories if the parent is a little mean, but the command to obey our parents wasn’t conditional on parent being “a little mean.”

However, I’d probably be a lot less strict about it than most Christians, personally. First, I don’t believe that God would ask us to stay in abusive relationships, enabling the sin of another human being. Second, sometimes our parents ask us to sin, and we can’t do that, and sometimes our parents seek control they should not have when we are adults, and we can’t do that.

However, everyone has their own convictions on this subject, and this must be taken into consideration when you’re writing a romance where parental disapproval is involved.

But I’m not going to let the Regency mamas win.

In conclusion, forbidden love can be a great, subtle trope, or an overblown, dramatic trope. How you execute it is what matters!

Do you have a favorite novel that features “forbidden romance”?

TTFN!

~Kell~

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