As you probably know (because I paste my face all over the internet like a conceited monkey), I have red hair.
Well, it’s actually more auburn, but red is red is red. Even if it’s not.
There are a lot of myths floating around about redheads. For instance, some people believe all redheads are witches. Like, not witches as in mean people, but witches. As in they ride on broomsticks. This is untrue. Trust me.
However, there are many things that bind all people of scarlet locks together. Here are the top five.
1: All Redheads Love Sugar
You might say, “Well, that’s true of almost everyone …”
Au, contraire, mon ami! Redheads have even more of a sugar lust than you or anyone else could possibly imagine. They may deny it, but secretly, in their closets, the chocolate peeps await.
Actually, our red hair is sugar-powered … or rather sugar-created. I’m not kidding. They come into being when women eat large quantities of sweets during pregnancy. Sometimes in their sleep. So they don’t remember it.
2: All Redheads Are Temperamental
This is a myth you’ve heard before, but I bet you didn’t know that it’s actually true! If a redhead doesn’t have a quick temper, she is prone to some other kind of melodrama, such as being overly emotional or suffering from violent mood swings. You see, redheads have a lot of emotional energy due to all the sugar highs and lows, and they need to let it out somehow.
I, personally, let it out with violent fits of anger. I know redheads, however, that try to contain it. But they ultimately fail. ‘Cause all redheads are temperamental.
3: All Redheads are Magically Special
How this ‘special’ manifests itself varies, but usually redheads are one-up on every other kind of head. If you’re not a redhead, you’re not going to be able to accomplish as much as a redhead.
4: All Redheads Are Seductive Minxes with a Grudge
True, that. They probably have sorceress leanings, too.
And … what does that mean for my followers?
Run, run, as fast as you can
I’ll probably catch you
I’m a redhead with grudge
5: All Redheads Are Secretly Irish
Even if they deny it, they are. Don’t let them tell you lies about their actual origins. All redheads are secretly Irish. They just want to keep it quiet.
Because sometimes their families will be, I don’t know, German or something, and they want to be the same as everyone else (in their family).
And there you have it, folks! A redhead reveals her deep, dark secrets.
Do you know anyone with red hair? Are you a redhead yourself? Have you seen (or experiences) redheads showing any of the tell-tale signs? Contact Redhead Control immediately at 1-800-CONTROLTHERED if you have.
Before you go …
Some actual redhead stuff
- Having people stop you in the street and say, “Oh, what pretty red hair you have!” Me: *accepts compliments with knowing nod*
- Having people tell you about every redhead they know. Because they think you care. Because you have the same hair color. I wanna say, “Okay, now I’ll tell you about every brunette I know …”
- Getting asked if you dyed your hair. “Of course. I bathe it every night in the blood of my enemies …”
- Having people assume you’re a firecracker. I am a boring person when you first meet me. Until I’m not. But then I still lapse into boring every so often
or when with my family, but I’m more of a moody teen who just wants to curl up with a book and be left alone. Actually, I’m listening in to all their conversations, but whatever …
- Boys (and other people) will call you ‘Ginger,’ ‘Carrots,’ and ‘Red’ because they think it annoys you. Actually, it pleases me. Keep it up!