Dear Christian Girls: Don’t Wait!

 In Kell's Blog

All over the internet, there are articles and articles about being patient during “a season of waiting.” Waiting … waiting for what?

Not all of the articles are necessary geared this way, but they all have the same undertone – waiting for a husband.

And I take issue with that! I’ll get into the “why” in this post.

It’s not that I have a thing against marriage. I mean, gosh, a lot of the people I respect most were/are married. ๐Ÿ˜… (Not all of them – one of my bosses comes to mind; I respect her a lot.)

No, it’s not that at all. In fact, quite the opposite – I think marriage is something that God has planned for a lot of people to bless them.ย 

Iย think many (if not most women) are made to be wives and mothers – and there’s nothing wrong with that, nothing wrong with feeling frustrated because you haven’t found “Mr. Right.”

However, I don’t think it’s the thing that should fulfill you – nor do I think it’s the end goal every girl should aspire to.

Basically, I believe it’s quite sad that girls consider any period when they’re not in a relationship with a man “a season of waiting.”

Because you know what? There’s more to you than your ability to be married or not.

And yes, that sounds like feminist nonsense, and that’s not something I’m for. I don’t believe women are better than men, nor do I believe that we need to all rebel against expectations and have careers – some of us don’t want/need to!

But I do believe that women are perfectly capable of having lives outside of being a wife and mother … and that we shouldn’t wait for Mr. Right to come around.

It’s sad to say otherwise.

God Didn’t Make Us to Wait

It doesn’t matter if you’re male or female, slave or free, Jew or Gentile, married or unmarriedย …

God didn’t make us to be passive beings who sit around all day doing nothing!

In fact, just the opposite. God commands us …

“Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men.” (Colossians 3:23)

NOT FOR MEN, girls. ๐Ÿ˜œ Not because some day you may be a wife.

And yes, I know that’s not the meaning of the verse, but what I mean to say is, if you make your focus and your goal “marriage,” something that requires a man’s cooperation, you’re not going to get anywhere.

You can’t be passive.

“For even when we were with you, we would give you this command: If anyone is not willing to work, let him not eat.” 2 Thessalonians 3:10

Look, if all you’re doing is “waiting” for a man to come around and sweep you off your feet, you’ve got it all wrong!

That’s not what God wants for you! He wants you to accomplish great things NOW. You don’t have to wait until you’re married to glorify God.

You should wait on the Lord. But you shouldn’t wait on a man.

Look … here’s a shocker for the ages: you might not get married!

It’s not because there’s something wrong with you or God doesn’t love you or anything like that.

It’s just because some people don’t get married … and that’s okay!

You might be “waiting” forever. So figure out something to do with your life! Unless God has parted the clouds and whispered the name of your intended in your ear, you can’t be sure.

Men/marriage are probably the easiest idol for women to worship.

Examine your heart. The idea of being married may be your idol!

I’m as guilty as this as any woman, I imagine. Of course some day I would like to be married and have kids! (mostly kids, haha; kids are great)

But that can’t be my main plan because, well, much as I’d like it to be a guarantee, I might not get married … and then whereย am I?

Besides, a man isn’t going to make me happy! Maybe he would, but that’s a transparent, earthly sort of happiness.

God is the only thing that can make you happy (with that unending joy that you want and need!).

So give up everything else, because you can’t guarantee it, you can’t keep it if you do get it, and it won’t make you happy if you do get it!

The Fulfillment Lie

For some reason, us Christian girls are fed the lie that the only way we can be fulfilled and happy is through marriage.

But this is NOT true! Being content in God is the only way anyone can be fulfilled and happy.

It’s a lie that being a wife and mother is the only way a woman can find contentment in God, too. You can find joy in so many other things!

I think this also puts forth the lie, “If you’re married, all your problems will be solved.”

You won’t be discontent or frustrated or angry anymore. For some reason.

That’s not true. None of your problems are going to go away if you’re married! If anything, you’re just aggravating them by forcing your husband to take them on, too.

Married Women Aren’t Holier

Of course, it’s good and godly to be married, have children, submit to your husband, etc.

But nowhere is it written, “If thou does not marry, thou is an unworthy creature in Mine sight.”

Nope. There are even passages when we’re encouraged to remain single if we can (or at least in certain circumstances).

So, in a way, I do want you to rebel.

Don’t rebel against womanhood, don’t rebel against God, and don’t rebel against your parents or other trusted mentors.

DO rebel against the idea that your only purpose is to get married!

TTFN!

Goodreadsย ยทย Facebookย ยทย Twitter

~Kellyn Roth~

p.s.

I figure this post won’t be super popular among many of you, but *sigh*ย  comment below with your thoughts and opinions!

Showing 48 comments
  • Jo @ The Lens & The Hard Drive
    Reply

    Thank the merciful heavens, finally, someone said it! Someone doesn’t automatically assume I’ll be getting married because I’m a Christian girl! Someone actually said the idea that a girl’s purpose in life is about marriage is *gasp* a lie! Thank you! I’m just sick and sick and sick of people telling me God’s will for my life is 100% finding a husband. How would they know?
    So t h a n k y o u! Finally, we need more articles that don’t talk about waiting for Mr. Right. Except if they’re talking about the right pen, because I really need the right pen.

    • Kellyn Roth
      Reply

      I’m so glad you liked it, Jo! ๐Ÿ˜€ You are soooo right! People need to stop telling Christian women that their only worth is to be found in some other human. Uh, no? Men aren’t immortal, peeps – we don’t need to pair with them to find salvation. ๐Ÿ˜‰

      YES. I also need the right pen! Or the right story … or something along those lines. ๐Ÿ˜› But nope, no waiting around – get out there and do something!

  • Isabel Eleison
    Reply

    This was such a great post Kell! I agree entirely.

    • Kellyn Roth
      Reply

      Thank you, Isabel! I’m glad you enjoyed it! (I love your name, by the way. *weird random thoughts*)

  • Olivia White
    Reply

    Completely agreed. And I feel like the fact that a romance author can realize this says something about how silly it is to say marriage is the only point in a girlโ€™s life!

    • Kellyn Roth
      Reply

      Well, I hope I never present romance as the one true calling of women – or anyone – in my books. In fact, I’d like to write stories that point towards Jesus Christ in my books as the foundation of any relationship – marriage, parent/child, siblings, etc. And I do hope to write more books about people who just remain single – because why not? Women and men alike can be useful, fulfilled, joyful, and godly without a spouse.

  • Amie
    Reply

    I agree completely, Kell! Thanks for posting this reminder. <3

  • Angela R. Watts
    Reply

    Fab post, as always. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  • Julia @Lit Aflame
    Reply

    Yes YES YES! Why aren’t there MORE people like YOU, Kell? Seriously! This is what I’ve been saying for like, my whole life! I’m so tired of seeing all these young people with only the focus of getting married – its like, EVERYTHING they do is based on the idea of getting married, when that shouldn’t be your main goal or focus in life! That’s just something that may come to you, its not some great calling you should spend your whole time getting ready for, etc.
    (To be honest, I could probably rant forever about this. . . so. . . I’ll stop here, lol) .

    AWESOME POST!!!!!!!!

    • Kellyn Roth
      Reply

      Thank you so much, Julia! Aww, that’s very sweet! I’m trying to share as much truth as I can – goodness knows truth doesn’t get shared enough in this world, sometimes even in Christian circles! ๐Ÿ˜›

      Right, I totally agree! You can’t center your world around marriage – you will be disappointed in that, no matter what!

      Thanks again!

  • Alli Tebo
    Reply

    Bless you, Kell. One of the truest things I’ve seen on the Internet in years. <3

    • Kellyn Roth
      Reply

      Awww, thank you, Alli! <3 I'm so glad you liked it! I think some conversations we've had in the past helped with it for sure!

  • Lisa Elis
    Reply

    Very well put girl!!

    • Kellyn Roth
      Reply

      Thanks, Lisa! I’m glad you liked it! ๐Ÿ˜€

  • Lana
    Reply

    Hmm, I’m not really sure how to comment on this, but my theology does differ a little from yours. Overall, I agree with you. We shouldn’t be passive or do nothing until we’re married, nor should marriage take precedence over faith in God. But I also believe that marriage is an institution created by God, and so He wants us to be married at some point, whether that is in this life or not. In fact, in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we believe that it’s impossible to become like God without being married (for eternity) and honoring that marriage. (Which could bring up another whole discussion…) And that being a mother is a woman’s divinely appointed role.

    So I’m not saying that we shouldn’t be doing anything with our time while waiting, and I’m not saying we should honor our husbands more than God. Because God is the most important thing, and sometimes it’s His plan to make us wait and accomplish things without being married. But I do believe that it is a period of waiting, and those people telling girls to be patient have a point. Being a wife and mother may not be our only purpose on earth, but it is our most important eternal purpose.

    Hopefully that makes sense. ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Kellyn Roth
      Reply

      Yes, that totally makes sense!

      Of course, I believe quite different than that (as you can see based on my post!), as I don’t believe marriage is necessary to salvation or that it’s the only thing women are made for, and I can’t believe that our salvation is based on someone else and their role in our life, but of course that’s all just a theological difference. ๐Ÿ™‚

      • Lana
        Reply

        Haha, I wouldn’t say it’s our only purpose, just our main one. ๐Ÿ™‚ But yup, a theological difference. I’m glad we can still be friends despite our differences.

        So how have you been recently? I haven’t talked to you in forever!

        • Lana
          Reply

          (Our main one aside from coming to Christ. Just felt like I should clarify that… ๐Ÿ˜‰ )

        • Kellyn Roth
          Reply

          Right, I totally get that! ๐Ÿ™‚ I’m glad, too!

          I know! Let me see … busy? A bit hectic? But not overall as overwhelmed as I could be. ๐Ÿ˜› Lots of writing done due to my current schedule, which is nice. How have you been?

  • Esther
    Reply

    thank. you. for. writing. this.

    • Kellyn Roth
      Reply

      You’re quite welcome, Esther! ๐Ÿ˜€ I’m glad you enjoyed it!

  • pokethefrog
    Reply

    Dammmnnn Kellyn this is gooddddddd
    You bring up excellent excellent points

    • Kellyn Roth
      Reply

      Thanks, darling! ๐Ÿ™‚ I’m so glad you liked it! I’m just thinking, “Hey, this is something people should stop lying about!”

  • Skye
    Reply

    This is so good!

  • iamcharlesbakerharris
    Reply

    As a feminist, I don’t disagree with any of the points in your post. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Very well said, Kellyn! ๐Ÿ™‚

  • Brie Donning
    Reply

    Yes!!!
    I’ve been coming around to this view. (coming from the nebulousness of ‘I expect I’ll get married’ and ‘hadn’t thought about single life much’.)
    I’m still figuring out exactly what I should be doing as a single young woman, but it’s certainly not sitting around. Even when/if I do marry, I won’t just be a wife and mother (Though that may take most of my time.) We are called to share the gospel, and spread the kingdom of God, not just turn inwardly to our own family.

    • Kellyn Roth
      Reply

      I think I kinda expected marriage for much of my teen years (e.g. the years I’m going through right now, lol), but as I got to talking to people, and a lot of my most respected peers are unmarried, and I realized it wasn’t the endgoal, it might not happen, and I’d better have a backup plan … so I made one! Although now it’s more of the, “this is the plan, unless something weird and random happens” than the backup plan. ๐Ÿ˜›

      Yep, I agree!

  • Merie Shen
    Reply

    Truth!! There is truth right there!!
    We’ve all got to believe that we’ll be wasting our lives if we just sit around waiting for the right guy to turn up. It’s true that God may have a different plan in our lives– or, He might be planning to have a man and woman cross roads in a way that doesn’t involve “just waiting.” You’re right, Kell, not enough girls seem to accept this view. Great post, as usual!! ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Kellyn Roth
      Reply

      Thanks, Merie! I 100% agree! ๐Ÿ™‚ You’re right – even “just waiting” might be preventing you from finding a fella God DOES have planned for you – if he exists, I mean.

  • Emma
    Reply

    YES. I almost never comment on blogs, but I have to say, SPOT ON.

    Itโ€™s sooooo frustrating to see all these Christian women/girls idolizing marriage and becoming depressed and frustrated when God doesnโ€™t give it to them in the time and fashion they would like. God desires for you to be full of peace and contentment regardless of relationship status!

    And has anyone else noticed that while most Christians will SAY they believe the verses about God calling some people to be single, other comments they make indicate that they donโ€™t really thing that, or at least donโ€™t think it could ever apply to them? Iโ€™ve often heard comments made about people who are getting older and are still unmarried like โ€œOh isnโ€™t it a shame they havenโ€™t found the right person!โ€ or they think that they have commitment issues or other problems. And Iโ€™m like โ€œ….or maybe God ACTUALLY MEANT IT when he said heโ€™s called some people to be single.โ€ Singleness is every bit as beautiful a thing as marriage yโ€™all, just in different ways ๐Ÿ™‚

    (And just to clarify, Iโ€™m not trying to criticize anyone in the above comment, just some observations Iโ€™ve made. I hope it doesnโ€™t sound too mean!)

    • Kellyn Roth
      Reply

      Yes! I absolutely agree … Christians just aren’t necessarily called to marriage! In fact, I believe a lot of people are called to singlehood and refuse to accept it.

      I also see too many girls “settle” … I think men do this, too … and end up in pretty bad relationships because they couldn’t wait for their “calling” … when in reality, God might actually have a plan for them??

      It reminds me a lot of Abraham/Sarah/Isaac. God said, “You’ll have a son.” Abraham said, “Okay, let’s see how I ABRAHAM can manufacture this situation because God isn’t powerful enough to do what He said.”

      But yes, I definitely agree with you. Many say they believe the Bible, but they gloss over verses on singleness like they don’t exist. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  • Mary H.
    Reply

    Kellyn, thank you so, so much for clearly and kindly expressing this message! Well said. I believe exactly what you said in your post, to all of it. And not many people are talking about this issue from our perspective. I’m so grateful that you wrote and posted it!

  • faithonthefarm17044257
    Reply

    We often think of singlehood as a waiting room….it’s not! You don’t DO anything in a waiting room. We were made to do things. Our perfect example was single. Why? Because we are his bride. As Christians, we are “betrothed” to the perfect lamb of God. We don’t need to wait, we can allow Jesus to work in us to become the spotless bride he want us to be. So in a way…..we are all meant to get married……but that marriage will be the marriege supper of the lamb.

  • Sarah M.
    Reply

    Yes! SO TRUE! I’ve believed this for years! I don’t exist just to marry and have children. There’s nothing wrong if a person wants to do that, but to act like all women exist only for that is so silly!

    1 Corinthians 7:27 – Art thou bound unto a wife? seek not to be loosed. Art thou loosed from a wife? seek not a wife.

    I believe this applies to men and women. If you’re married great and if not great. We all exist to serve God, whatever the way we’re made to be.

    • Kellyn Roth
      Reply

      YES! That is a fantastic verse! I should’ve thought to quote that in the blog post. *facepalm* Oh, well – not all the blog posts can be perfect, and I’m sure God can use it anyway. ๐Ÿ˜‰

      I totally agree!

  • John-Clement Gallo
    Reply

    This is fantastic. I 100% agree. Young girls and even boys who think having no bf/gf is a “waiting time” is so annoying. Like…just live life because you only have one try. Worry about that stuff later. It’s not important.

    Great post!

    JC

    • Kellyn Roth
      Reply

      YES, exactly! Just live! Don’t worry about other people. ๐Ÿ™‚

  • Chloe W.
    Reply

    Wow this is exactly what I needed to hear today, and it is all SOOO true! Thanks for this, Kellyn! ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Kellyn Roth
      Reply

      Thanks, Chloe! ๐Ÿ˜€ I’m so glad it was … I don’t know, informative! ๐Ÿ™‚

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