Because I’m All Right … Sorta

 In Kell's Blog

all right

Hey there! I … yeah. Been a while. 😅 It’s been a while since I’ve been productive, so that makes sense.

But that’s okay. Life has been hectic, I feel like I’m always on the run, and I’m behind on several deadlines. Like, I’m not exaggerating. Several deadlines, some which seriously involve other people.

But I’m all right. Really, I am.

All right? Or not?

The thing about this world is it sells you two things:

The first is that you’re all right. You’re just fine. You NEED to be all right. Always, always all right.

You’re a failure if you tremble. Fear is bad—courage is normal, no matter the circumstances.

You need to have it together. You need to have that picture-perfect Instagram life. If you don’t live in a Hallmark movie, something’s wrong with you.

Success is inevitable, and you are a loser if you don’t achieve it—and now.

Perfection is the only goal, and without perfection, you’re a mess. Messes aren’t allowed. Messes are ugly. We get rid of messes.

We go round and round

Back and forth and almost upside down

To buy who we are –

A great big house, nice jeans, and a shiny car

But I’m learning that this world keeps turning

With or without me

So I’ll do my best and leave the rest

To the one watching over me

-Alright, FFH

The second is that you should wallow. This actually breeds of the first one, believe it or not. The idea is that IF you don’t have that social media, perfect, awesome life … you should wallow in the sadness.

Maybe join a group of people who aren’t all right.

Maybe even use your “unusual” failure as the part of you that is unique.

After all, you’re told being a failure is weird. And uniqueness is liked. So maybe you can succeed at failure. Worth a try. You’re good at failing.

I know I am.

Trouble may find you …

But … neither of these perspectives are particularly helpful.

The first promotes depression because no one is perfect. No one is all right … not really.

I’m sorry, but you live in a sinful world. Even as a Christian (which I think a lot of my readers are), you … still aren’t going to be okay? Sorry?

Perfection is not our goal as Christians; it’s Jesus. But, though you will try, you need to accept being where you are in Him.

The second is also problematic. Looking at it from a Christian perspective, making your BAD traits (e.g. anxiety, laziness, procrastination) your GOOD traits is just a bad idea.

You want to overcome those. You don’t want it to be your brand.*

*You can make the struggle a brand**, but don’t get so stuck in the struggle phase—you can get better at, for instance, not procrastinating. So it’s only for a season.

**By the way, I use the world brand primarily in reference to author branding because a lot of you are WRITERS, and writers build branding around themselves. Which leads to a lot of them getting kinda messed up if they don’t separate self from brand.

BUT if you have spend any time with people, then you probably have a “brand.” A way you are. And it may not be you. And it may be stuck in a rut.

Here’s the thing …

I don’t want to be in either of those groups. Count me out.

I’m not always all right. No one is. Not on my own …

But I’m not really on my own, am I? I mean, I have to deal with my “on my ownness” all the time, we all do, and there’s nothing technically wrong with that (because it’s unavoidable).

But there is Someone who is always all right, infinitely all right, and my worth, my attitude, and my all-rightness come from Him.

To quote a favorite song from my childhood:

I’m alright

Trouble may find me

But it’s not gonna keep me down

‘Cause I’ll hold on tight

To the Father who loves me

And likes having me around

‘Cause He loves me, and He cares for me,

And so I’ll be alright

I’m no prosperity preacher. Your life is gonna be a hot mess—probably until you die.

Trouble will find you, but it’s not going to keep you down. There’s a difference between having a messy, troubled life, being a messy troubled person, and being kept down by it.

It’s okay to not be okay, but it’s not okay to not fight it.

Now, fighting it doesn’t always mean putting on all your armor. Sometimes it means resting in God’s grace. (I need to learn more about that, I’ll admit. I suck at it!) God fights for you, after all.

Neither does fighting mean ignoring the problem. If a big nasty ogre attack you and you pretend he doesn’t exist, you’re in for trouble, mate. You’re probably gonna get eaten.

But it’s important to say, “God, this ogre is too big for me. Handle it for me!”

Sometimes He doesn’t help in the way you want. He won’t always—I’d say even often—remove the ogre. But He will give you the tools to keep it from eating you—or help you chill while you wait for Mr. Ogre to stop pillaging.

Like I said, God isn’t a magical prayer-and-answer service.

I have been praying, but I’m not any closer to feeling better. Really, I’m not any closer to achieving my goals—being a better person—any of the things I need.

At least not externally. I don’t see results. And we’re taught to expect results for whatever we do … immediately. Seldom do people nowadays play the long game.

But there are promises:

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.”

On my own, I don’t get it. I just don’t. What’s up with me? Why can’t I be better? Why does this pain come? But God knows.

“For I know the plans I think toward you, says the Lord. Thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

I’m all right. Well, God in me is all right. He’s promised me an expected end, a future and a hope, a plan, even if it isn’t revealed to me immediately.

So is Kell all right?

Yes … and no. I suppose you could say KELL isn’t all right, exactly—not born of flesh Kell.

But Jesus Christ is perfectly all right. And He lives in Kell’s heart. Which therefore makes her all right, right?

So yes, as the song states:

Some say life is hard

Like swimming upstream

Or going against the grain

But I say life ain’t that hard

‘Cause I’ve seen how

The joy outweighs the pain

So you can sit and whine

About the times you’ve been having

Oh but as for me I choose to be

As happy as I can be

Because I’m alright.

TTFN!

~Kellyn Roth~

Goodreads · Facebook · Twitter

p.s.

What do you think on this issue? Do you agree that people tend to “wallow” in their problems, encouraged by today’s society, rather than seeking solutions? Have you ever felt like you’re not all right … and how do you handle it?

Showing 20 comments
  • Essie
    Reply

    This spoke to my heart. I really needed to hear this. Thank you for being so honest and open <3

  • Julia @Lit Aflame
    Reply

    SO TRUE!
    (praying for you, Kell!)

  • kassieangle
    Reply

    This was so good. You’re right, I think we all have our moments of not being all right, but that doesn’t define us. How do I handle things? Not as well as I should, usually, but writing is a huge release for me.

    • Kellyn Roth
      Reply

      Yepp, I agree! Your definition is not in this sinful world (not that being depressed, messed up, whatever is sinful – it’s just a product of living in this messed-up world) – it’s in Jesus!

  • Writing of Horses
    Reply

    This has touched me, Kellyn. Deeply. I have been struggling with productivity ever since my stomach health plummeted about a year ago. As a perfectionist, it has been a struggle for me. A lot of days I felt like throwing the towel in, but God kept reminding me that He doesn’t want me perfect – He just wants my greatest effort and my heart. He wants me completely. Not me perfectly – but completely.

    Thank you for sharing this!! I will be praying for you! <3

    ~ Lily Cat (Boots) | lilycatscountrygirlconfessions.blogspot.com

  • Marilyn
    Reply

    Happy to hear from you. Glad you are doing alright. Continued success in your writing. God Bless.
    Marilyn

  • Antonio James Higgins
    Reply

    This is great.

  • Arwen Telcontar
    Reply

    I completely agree with this! It’s so tiring having to always make everyone thing you’re doing perfectly well, when in fact you’re the complete opposite. The thing is, we’re all sinful, so we all have something wrong with us. If we would all just admit that, imagine how freeing that would be!
    I often feel like I’m not all right. I’m learning to trust God with all that, but… progress can be slow sometimes!
    Glad to see you posting again; I was just wondering how you’ve been. 🙂

    • Kellyn Roth
      Reply

      Totally right! “Be perfect” … but no. 😛 Not gonna happen.

      Yeppp, exactly! Slowwww…

      Thanks! Yeahh, working on it!

  • Kaitlyn S.
    Reply

    Okay, I needed to read this. Thank you for being so open and honest, and real!

    I’ve really been struggling. Hard. Very hard. Partly because what I’m struggling with affects other people, and I totally feel the need to make everything look “all right” to everyone who’s not involved. Mainly because I can’t really explain the issue without bringing other people into it . . . Anyways. It has been a source of stress, and tears, and a lot of struggling, on my part, to understand everything doesn’t have to be all right, and I can admit that and move on.

    So thank you! Being open and vulnerable on the web isn’t easy, I know. But it was extremely encouraging to this girl who’s struggling <3

  • K.A.
    Reply

    Wow, I’ve never heard truer words. I tend to fall into the wallowing way of the spectrum.. I know there have been times where I found my identity in my failures and pains and struggles. There have been struggles in my life that still haunt me to this day, some days are worse than others to deal with these things, and sometimes I’ll cry myself to sleep every night for a week, but God is always there and he always loves and cares for you. Love you, girl. You’ll get through this, I promise. I’m praying for you, friend.

    • Kellyn Roth
      Reply

      Awwwww! Thanks, K.A.! Haven’t seen you around in a while. How are you doing?

      • K.A.
        Reply

        No prob! Well… you know what.. I’m alright. 🙂 It’s been a little rough lately, but I’m making it, you know? I’ve been so busy I feel like there are a lot of super important things that have fallen to the back burner that should be on the top of my to-do list… but next week should be a little calmer for me. So with God, I am truly okay, even if life is a bit hectic right now. Thanks for caring, Kellyn. It means more than you know.

        • Kellyn Roth
          Reply

          Aww, I hope it lightens up! Hang in there until next week!

          • K.A.
            Reply

            Thanks so much! I really appreciate it, Kellyn!

What do you think of my thoughts?

%d bloggers like this: